[Coexist]

It is said in Islam that a Muslim man can marry a Christian or Jew.

In a traditional household, it is the woman who raises the children, teaches them and takes care of them. How is a Muslim man's children supposed to grow to learn and love Islam, when their mother, their teacher, isn't Muslim? The mother loves the children, devotes her life to them, and of course, worries about their soul. She's going to teach them her religion.

[jazain]

the men can marry them with the understanding that islam will be taught. that might sound good on paper, but in reality im sure it doenst always work out too well.....there are just too many divorces that are caused by differences in religious beliefs.

when my husband and i had our daughter, i wasnt keen on her being a muslim at all....i used to tell him no shes not going to be held down by islam. i just didnt know.

but there are many women who never change, who never like or appreciate islam. so i cannot help but think that there has to be big time friction in those marriages.

This post has been edited by jazain: 09 September 2008 - 08:04 AM

[Coexist]

the men can marry them with the understanding that islam will be taught. that might sound good on paper, but in reality im sure it doenst always work out too well.....there are just too many divorces that are caused by differences in religious beliefs.

Yeah that's the thing. He can say it all he wants, but doesn't mean she's gonna just sit back and (in her opinion) watch her kids go to hell. A religious person fears for their children and family. The outlook just doesn't look good for a Muslim man to marry and have a family with a woman of another faith.

[cern]

I wonder if it would require a great deal of trust on the part of both parents..... teaching the customs and traditions of both faiths (and maybe of others too) with an emphasis on what mum believes and what dad believes and why, making an effort to expose the children to the church/synagogue (in the case of the third group of 'People of the book')/mosque, then allowing the children to form their own decisions. Surely God/Allah could be allowed to decide if there were any issues that needed to be addressed and to intervene accordingly? After all, I think I'm right in suggesting that each of the three faiths contain the concept of deity communicating with individuals.

BB

Mike

[Billy]

I think it depends how strongly each partner holds thier faith. If both were adamant that their's was the only one and the other's took them to hell then I doubt they would be considering marriage in the first place.

[Dumuzi]

Like everything else in a marriage both spouses should clarify where they stand regarding that topic.
Don't forget that the woman married a Muslim man and supposedly loves him.

[jazain]

that doesnt always mean eveyrthing though. if a non muslim woman marries a muslim man....yes she may love him, and she may even say before they marry, yes we can raise the children as muslims because there are none. because she loves him and wants to be with him. but when reality hits....boom. no way. islam is not important to her at all and unless she truly loves him, respects him and was faithful to her word? she may change everything at that point.

[Dumuzi]

True.

But like I said, the same goes for everything else in a marriage. A woman (or man) can tell you one thing before marriage and then turn out to be the exact opposite.

Overall I think the best thing is to have a marriage where both spouses follow the same religion, but that's a personal thing, so each to their own.

[Kayak]

I knew a couple of people from school who had Muslim dads, and Christian moms. The kids were always confused. I had a friend in highschool who ran up to me and was like 'Ramadan Mubarak! My dad's fasting but my mom won't let me.' Another friend I had, her dad was Muslim, but he died when she was really young, so they ended up being raised christian, but still are confused. The point I'm trying to make is that kids are always confused in those kinds of marriages, and it has nothing to do with how much the spouses love each other.

This post has been edited by Kayak: 09 September 2008 - 04:12 PM

[jazain]

thanks for that input kayak..that was really interesting.

[Geshtinnanna]

that doesnt always mean eveyrthing though. if a non muslim woman marries a muslim man....yes she may love him, and she may even say before they marry, yes we can raise the children as muslims because there are none. because she loves him and wants to be with him. but when reality hits....boom. no way. islam is not important to her at all and unless she truly loves him, respects him and was faithful to her word? she may change everything at that point.

Or because she loves her man she changes completely to obey Islamic law and takes it into her heart.

[Misbah (The One)]

Well what if both parents 'Are' Muslims yet the kids grow up or want to grow up Christian?

Im a Hindu.

I lay Iggs.

[Coexist]

Well what if both parents 'Are' Muslims yet the kids grow up or want to grow up Christian?

Im a Hindu.

I lay Iggs.

My ex would disown them. He told me this twice, when two of them were infants.

Me? They'd still be my babies....

[MagnaCarta]

True.

But like I said, the same goes for everything else in a marriage. A woman (or man) can tell you one thing before marriage and then turn out to be the exact opposite.

Kind of like a member of this forum who changed in the middle of the course with his marriage, having been married in as a Christian and then abandoning mid course and getting upset because his wife couldn't deal with it? It works both ways.

What does Islam fear for children to be exposed to other ideas and religious teachings? Why the need to dominate and shut out every other thought on God to children?

My children were raised with what I believe, but they do not follow directly, they forge their own path because they are individual humans, not clones of me. They have the ability to THINK and decide for themselves. They will form their own relationship (or lack of one) to the divine without compulsion from their birth. There can be NO compulsion in religion. NONE. That would negate free will which is God's own design for humanity. Live your religion and be an example of what it produces in your humanity for your child, and if your religion says that the one you love next to you is going to hell, you best be leaving that part of your religions dogma behind. But that would require the ability to think for yourself.

The greatest gift we can give our children is religious freedom, and full encouragement and support for them to explore everything that is on the planet to learn MORE about humanity and it's relationship to the Creative power in the universe, God. God made more than one way, has communicated to more than one group of peoples and is not locked into a single human idea/religion about Him. Deep insecurity about ones religion would be the ONLY reason that an interfaith marriage would be the source of enough conflict to end the marriage.

[jazain]

Kind of like a member of this forum who changed in the middle of the course with his marriage, having been married in as a Christian and then abandoning mid course and getting upset because his wife couldn't deal with it? It works both ways.

What does Islam fear for children to be exposed to other ideas and religious teachings? Why the need to dominate and shut out every other thought on God to children?

My children were raised with what I believe, but they do not follow directly, they forge their own path because they are individual humans, not clones of me. They have the ability to THINK and decide for themselves. They will form their own relationship (or lack of one) to the divine without compulsion from their birth. There can be NO compulsion in religion. NONE. That would negate free will which is God's own design for humanity. Live your religion and be an example of what it produces in your humanity for your child, and if your religion says that the one you love next to you is going to hell, you best be leaving that part of your religions dogma behind. But that would require the ability to think for yourself.

The greatest gift we can give our children is religious freedom, and full encouragement and support for them to explore everything that is on the planet to learn MORE about humanity and it's relationship to the Creative power in the universe, God. God made more than one way, has communicated to more than one group of peoples and is not locked into a single human idea/religion about Him. Deep insecurity about ones religion would be the ONLY reason that an interfaith marriage would be the source of enough conflict to end the marriage.

magna thats an assumption that muslims are afraid for their children to learn about other religions. i want my child to be well rounded and know as much as she can, all of my children. i will raise her a muslim though.

[Misbah (The One)]

Exactly Jana, same here, i tell mine about Christianity, Judaism (i mean what i know of it) Hinduism and Sikhism (I did both at School so i know a little)

And tell them always and i mean always to respect other people no matter what their beliefs.


And i love my kids unconditionally, no matter what they were or followed.

[Jon]

Exactly Jana, same here, i tell mine about Christianity, Judaism (i mean what i know of it) Hinduism and Sikhism (I did both at School so i know a little)

And tell them always and i mean always to respect other people no matter what their beliefs.


And i love my kids unconditionally, no matter what they were or followed.

What if they wanted to be Nazi's?

[Coexist]

Magna, Christians are the same way, same 'fear' etc. It's not just a Muslim thing. The 'church' isn't too happy when one of their own marries a Buddhist, Muslim, or a person of another faith.

[MagnaCarta]

Magna, Christians are the same way, same 'fear' etc. It's not just a Muslim thing. The 'church' isn't too happy when one of their own marries a Buddhist, Muslim, or a person of another faith.

The only teaching in Christ is that we not be 'unequally yoked' which can be a spiritual advisement more than a religious decree or order that says WOMEN! NON-CHRISTIANS are FORBIDDEN because the man dominates and you MUST marry a Christian or else. There are NO regulations stating that our children must be raised in our religion if there is an interfaith marriage, there is no forbidding women to marry those from another religion, there is no dominance that way.

But I do agree that fear is universal.

[MagnaCarta]

What if they wanted to be Nazi's?

Assuming that I have ZERO influence on them, that would be possible wouldn't it. But if I have lived according to the principles of my faith and I have raised them to be compassionate and to respect human life, there is a good chance they would be repelled by that. In fact, all three of my children are well aware of Nazism and are totally disgusted with it.

Influence is something we all underestimate. Compulsion is a sign that you do not think your personal example and life have any value or validty when being considered by your children.

My son is marching off to war, but I would never disown him for this. I will be heartbroken should he take a life or loose life or limb but I know where my power lies, in loving him no matter what, and sharing what I believe, not in controlling or deciding for him what his life will contain.