[guardian1]

i was just curious about arranged marriages. is there anybody here that is in one (or used to be)? how does that work and are you happy about it? it just seems kinda impersonal to me. maybe it's because i keep thinking about how in movies a young prince and princess' marriage will be arranged for them for the betterment of their respective kingdoms, sometimes the arrangements will be made at birth. any thoughts or comments?

[Nematullah]

Lots of people have "arranged marriages" today. What do you think eHarmony is? They just don't call it arranged because the computer does the matching.

Shouldn't a person's parents know him/her better than the computer?

Besides that, an "arranged marriage" doesn't have to mean that the couple has never met, or hasn't agreed to the marriage (although sometimes that does happen in Indo-Pakistani cultures.)

[guardian1]

i know, it's just my is that the "dating" is more like a job interview, that's pretty impersonal

[Nematullah]

That's basically the idea--to be able to make a conscious informed decision for mutual benefit instead of one that is based on the opinion of the genitals.

[Kayak]

Arranged marriages aren't Islamic. It has a lot to do with culture. It means that the marriage has already been arranged by the parents of the girl and guy. Usually the girl doesn't have a say, or the girl's parents force or talk her into marrying the guy.

Any other form of marriage, in my opinion, isn't called an arranged marriage.

This post has been edited by Kayak: 05 September 2008 - 12:53 PM

[Billy]

That's basically the idea--to be able to make a conscious informed decision for mutual benefit instead of one that is based on the opinion of the genitals.

You know I have never formed an opinion on anyone based on their genitals. Usually it's whether they laugh at my jokes. Well maybe just a little bit, but its the clothing and hairstyle that I recognise for the most part. Let's not get into detail.

This post has been edited by Billy: 05 September 2008 - 01:12 PM

[Gold]

I second Kayak here.. Arranged marriages are an offspring of culture, tribal culture(s) to be precise..

Native Americans had it, Arabs had it, Chinese had it..

From where i live it has taken another form than the traditional "marry that guy my daughter, he's a good guy and u can't say no" form..

It is now sort of we as a family agree on some potential mate for our "offspring" be it a guy or a girl, then we go see, visit, investigate, and agree terms if there is chemistry between the potential couple..

That is a variance from the casual "we meet, we like each other, we love each other, we get married" form of marriage..

I find it a little provoking, but i've seen it work numerous times.. it has its advantages and disadvantages, yet I don't know if it would work with me.. I prefer to eye my own mate, instead of some form of a "business sales call to be done with the family" sort of thing.. let's weigh her and see what she's worth.. how much are u gonna pay for her? Hmm.. sir its a deal! Take my money and lets live happily ever after..

naah.. not my thing!

Cheers

[elji]

Arranged marriages aren't Islamic. It has a lot to do with culture. It means that the marriage has already been arranged by the parents of the girl and guy. Usually the girl doesn't have a say, or the girl's parents force or talk her into marrying the guy.

Any other form of marriage, in my opinion, isn't called an arranged marriage.

K what your talking about is a forced marriage. not an arranged.

Arranged marriage may not be for you but it is a perfect solution for others, where no force is involved in any form and the final decision is with the person getting married.

[Honu]

Arranged marriages are an offspring of culture, tribal culture(s) to be precise..

Native Americans had it, Arabs had it, Chinese had it..

Eastern europeans had/have it.

[Kayak]

K what your talking about is a forced marriage. not an arranged.

Arranged marriage may not be for you but it is a perfect solution for others, where no force is involved in any form and the final decision is with the person getting married.

I think arranged is forced.

Indian/Pakistani "Rishtas" aren't arranged marriages in my opnion, because the guy and girl actually have a say, but they are introduced by the parents. Maybe you can say that their parents 'arrange' for them to meet, but since they can reject each other or like each other, I don't like to call it "arranged".

Whatever though, lol.



Single is good.

[LadyGarnetRose]

To me it depends on the arrangement.

If allowed to bow out, then ok.

I mean really how well does a parent KNOW their Teenaged child?

[elji]

I think arranged is forced.

Indian/Pakistani "Rishtas" aren't arranged marriages in my opnion, because the guy and girl actually have a say, but they are introduced by the parents. Maybe you can say that their parents 'arrange' for them to meet, but since they can reject each other or like each other, I don't like to call it "arranged".

Whatever though, lol.



Single is good.

I think you and i have a different idea of what arranged marriage is.. just like one would register themselves on a online marriage website an arranged marriage works the same where you connect onto a network where other people know that you are available and the can apply

Again yes or no comes from the person getting married only

[Misbah (The One)]

Oh gosh i wrote a great post about this once, now ill just have to go find it.

If i can ill post it here.

[burningmoon]

Arranged marriages are perfectly Islamic. That is why we have the concept of Wali.

[mumofone]

I had an arranged marriage.....

worked out perfectly fine!

[silkworm]

Culturally or not in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh (all three were ONE sometimes ago) 98% depends on arranged marriages, a boy likes a girl, send his parents with a proposal to her parents home, they sit and talk, it they agree, and after girl's consent, KABOOM.

The rate of divorce has started to increase since 1990s but still, they work in 90-95% cases. Strange isn't it???

[MagnaCarta]

Culturally or not in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh (all three were ONE sometimes ago) 98% depends on arranged marriages, a boy likes a girl, send his parents with a proposal to her parents home, they sit and talk, it they agree, and after girl's consent, KABOOM.

The rate of divorce has started to increase since 1990s but still, they work in 90-95% cases. Strange isn't it???

But are the participants actually HAPPY? Here is an interesting article on that:

http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/default.asp?p...6-12-2004_pg3_4

Exerpt:

a lower divorce rate than the developed countries is not necessarily an indication of happier marriages. In Pakistan, couples, particularly wives, may be quite unhappy — even miserable — but may not opt for divorce for a number of sociological reasons. There is, for example, the fact that a single woman has no financial — even personal — security. Then there is familial pressure on the woman to stay married. The social stigma that comes with divorce, particularly for a woman, is another motive for the wife to stay in a marriage. These and a host of other factors prevent people, particularly women, from seeking a divorce.

[Jim]

But are the participants actually HAPPY?

Yes, I have known hundreds of people (not exaggerating) who have had arranged marriages and are happy and have happy families.

I dont know what your excerpt has to do with whether these are happy marriages or not. It attempts to suggest a possible crack in the idea that all of them are happy. that is a given. Not even western NON-arranged marriages (about 50% of them) are happy marriages and end up in divorce. Divorce is a much greater tragedy and failure of society than the couple staying together, save if they do not have kids or being abused in some way.

[silkworm]

Magna, out of 90-95% arranged marriages the divorce rate is still under 10%, what does that tell ya, but if you are generalizing, the Western women "enjoy "conjugal festivities" with men who are not married to her, can we call it a happy marriage???

Eastern men and women enjoy good family relations and this makes them socially acceptable in the society's structure, the bottom line is you cannot let your life being governed by your own genitalia.

[MagnaCarta]

Magna, out of 90-95% arranged marriages the divorce rate is still under 10%, what does that tell ya, but if you are generalizing, the Western women "enjoy "conjugal festivities" with men who are not married to her, can we call it a happy marriage???

Eastern men and women enjoy good family relations and this makes them socially acceptable in the society's structure, the bottom line is you cannot let your life being governed by your own genitalia.

I didn't write the article. The author is in Pakistan. Let's keep it in the bounds of 'arranged marriage', not pointing the finger at "women who enjoy conjugal festivities with men who are not married to her". That is a moral judgement on Western women in general and I don't think you really want to go there.

Relations, especially in marriage, are about MUCH more than 'genitalia'. Sad to think some people can only focus on this element, there is a great deal more to human intimacy than doing the bump and grind.